One Month and Asking For Marriage Advice

Ray says technically we aren’t at the one month mark. I say it’s the 4th Saturday since our wedding… so that’s a month, right?

One month of being married and how do I feel? Flipping awesome. Everyone keeps asking me “How’s married life??” and when I respond “SO FUN!” most of them follow up with “yeah..enjoy it while it lasts”.

And so, joy killers, party poopers, and life haters…

YOU SUCK.

Technically this is month 76 … BAM.

What have I learned during newlywed bliss?…. I’m a cover thief. Ray likes to sleep with the widows open and I like to sleep with NO airflow and as many blankets as possible. Thus, cover thief.

What do I need to learn?

You tell me.

I know I have a lot of married friends who read my blog. Give me some advice! Leave your number 1 tip for newlyweds. [non-related to blanket stealing. I have no intentions of breaking that habit. :P]

Until next time… xoxo

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24 thoughts on “One Month and Asking For Marriage Advice

  1. OK-First-I want that sign for my kitchen! Second–Life can often become mundane and “the usual”. It happens very quietly. So fight like everything to keep it lively. My best piece of advice is to never ever forget that your husband is your best friend, and so must be treated as such–Honesty-even not so pretty honesty sometimes. Laugh together as much as possible. Surprise each other often-whether it be with a dance in the kitchen while your hobo packs bake, stop for a hug as you pass each other, a note left somewhere…Don’t let “I Love You” become a routine saying. Pray together and for each other. Often. Now-these are all things I’m pretty sure you and Ray have down, so…maybe you should give us “old married couples” advice :)
    From Kerry: “Trust God and Be Honest”
    From Alex : “Don’t keep secrets”
    From Casey: She just wanted me to tell you she was happy she got to be your flower-girl <3
    About that cover thing, I have no idea…

      • Thank You, He is very smart and also every once in a while shows me how wise he is at the age of 9. I pray we can keep his energy and enthusiasm channeled in the right direction in the coming years. Love you guys!

  2. Ok…I know I am younger than you and have only been married a year, but hey, I figure I’ll give it my best! The one thing that I have learned throughout this year is to shut the doors, close the curtains, and tune out the world to just spend time together. Ciera and I were together for 3 years before we got married and I know that you and Ray have been together longer than that! It becomes so easy to get busy and work a lot and then be tired when you come home, but intimacy is extremely important! Don’t lose that part of your relationship! I mean c’mon, we have plenty of time to sleep when we are in our 60’s right??? I hope it all works out for the best and congrats on the knot tying. My prayers and best wishes are with you two!:)

  3. I have been married for 25 (or so) years to a man I have been in a committed and exclusive relationship with for 33 years. I LOVE being married and I have NO IDEA why people would want to discourage your expectation your union will be blessed and eternal (are they your actual FRIENDS?)
    Be tolerant. he is not perfect and neither are you. But you are better together than each of you alone. Be interested in the things he likes more than you do and expect him to take the same interest in your interests. Genuinely care about the things that concern each other.
    Don’t lie
    After you discuss things and agree on them, periodically re-visit and see if wither of you has changed. At the beginning of our lives together, we agreed we did not want children. Later, one of us changed her mind. We had to re-visit our original position and decide as a couple whether we should change it. We did, but even if we hadn’t, it was a JOINT decision and HAD to be decided together.
    TOGETHER. That’s the key.
    We fight. I cry, he yells. We never ever let a fight turn into “this was all a mistake”. We are in this until death does us part, and after all this time, when we are no longer the young fools we once were, we find that as old fools we still belong together. We help and support and criticize each other, And we are both better people because of it.

    • Kay Schwink, you made me choke up! Almost brought me to tears. Your marriage is beautiful. I love that you have 33 years under your belt and still fully committed til death. I love the part about being better together than you are alone. And having a realistic expectation that things aren’t always going to be perfect. I actually talked about that in my vows, I need to type them up so you can read them.. xoxo <3

  4. always put each other first. I know it sounds like common sense but when you are in the heat of the moment and you really don’t want to put each other first, that’s when you have to put each other first. I don’t always do it but I do always try and so does my husband.

  5. Never go to bed angry, no matter what! And always kiss goodnight! And always take the opportunity to say I love you! Because you never know if you’ll both wake up in the morning!

  6. Laura:
    David and I have 25+ years together, it hasn’t been easy, but we have went through everything imaginable together. Things that happen isn’t always one or the other one’s fault, don’t cast blame just go through it together. The key is to always put God first and stay in church. It’s a tie post that will help you in your travel together.
    Remember, you don’t always have to be into what he does, find you something also. They need time alone just like you will find you will need also. And yes there are some days you might want to kill him, but they will pass so just pray through them. You will never find another to love you like he does. Always laugh together and do things to make one another proud. Have fun with each other. Love like crazy!!! Keep your family close, David and I miss our Moms and Dads so much. Kids are wonderful, but Grandbabies are the mostest awesome, it’s something to look forward too.
    Just take one day at a time and next thing you will know it will be 25+ for you guys too, I believe you guys are in for the long haul. God bless U!!!

  7. One piece of advice? Hard to do, but I totally agree with everything Kay said, especially the part about never saying “This was all a mistake.” Commitment is key. No matter what…till death do us part…we’re in this for the long haul…in sickness and in health (and everthing in between).

    One thing I wish we’d done but didn’t do religiously was to have a weekly date night, especially when the kids came along. Now that we’re empty-nesters, almost every night is date night…even when he’s snoozin’ next to me on the couch!

  8. Here’s a tip from a couple therapist :) When you start to feel overwhelmed with arguments or feelings of doubt, reminisce about what first attracted you to your partner. Think about how you met, first dates and your fondest memories. With that reminder, start to actively look for the things you appreciate about your other. Say them aloud. Research shows that couples need 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction to maintain marital satisfaction.

  9. A close friend of my husband’s family wrote us a letter when we got married with newlywed advice. The one thing that I remember most that she recommended is “Do it a lot.” You know what I’m talking about…particularly before any little ones come along! :-) Kids are amazing…fantastic…life’s greatest blessing. But there will always be a tiny part of you that misses the good ol’ days of just the two of you. So make the most of this time!

  10. Smile. Keep praying. Take time to yourself. Dont forget what makes you happy. Love him. Be thankful. I know we’ve been married a year, but we both agree that it’s been the best and the worst of our lives. :) And I don’t think we would change it. You married your best friend so your journey will be an amazing ride. :) Just remember that you two are two individuals that are one… But still two individuals. The people who say those discouraging things didnt keep that in mind, tried to change, and became unhappy that they tried to change who God made them to be. :) So Ray has annoying habits and so do you… :) The funniest thing is that when youre apart, youre miss them the most. The military teaches that well. <3 Grow individually, grow together, and no matter what's in your path, if you respect these things, you'll grow deeper in love each day. :)

  11. We are 10 years together and counting, almost 3 of those are married! I would say number one thing is communication! Tell each other everything. Adjusting to living together, merging families, life changes…everything will be fine as long as you talk to each other. Learn each others love language and make the effort to show each other love in the way they prefer to receive it. And trust in God.

  12. So glad you guys are enjoying married life; I knew you would. :)

    Here are a few things I’ve learned in our first year of marriage.

    1. Nothing much has changed since before we were married. And for this I am really glad! I loved our relationship the way it was, so there was no real need for it to change.

    2. Don’t nag. Sometimes it’s really hard to resist but the “satisfaction” you get out of nagging or saying “I told you so” is not worth the guilt you will feel afterward not to mention the strain nagging puts on the relationship. If something in your relationship/life is really bothering you, just be very honest about it & find ways to work together toward a common solution/goal.

    3. As someone else already mentioned, find ways to fight the routines & busyness of life that strive to weigh us down. Make as much alone time together as you possibly can & make good use of it. ;)

    4. Don’t believe all the negative people out there who make hateful remarks about marriage. Just smile & nod at the people who say “Oh, but you’re still newlyweds.” Yes, I have no doubt our marriages will be different after 5, 10, 25 yrs than they are now, but just b/c someone else’s relationship didn’t work out they way they hoped doesn’t means yours isn’t going to.

    5. Don’t be afraid to fight! Yes, you will inevitably say mean, awful things that you’ll really regret but you will regret it sooo much more if you don’t just say it & get it out. Jared & I have found over the years that we are much better off when we just fight about it & say all the nasty stuff we want to say & then usually it only takes 5 or 10 minutes for us to be laughing at our own ridiculousness. It works out great!

  13. Laura, first let me say that I looked through some of your wedding photos on facebook and was struck by how beautiful and sentimental it was. I was so, so sorry to hear that your grandmother passed away that same day, but let me tell you, the gorgeous photos of you and Ray and your family with joyful, smiling faces are such a POWERFUL testimony to His “peace which transcends all understanding.” It is so blatantly obvious that Jesus was at the focus of it all. Your wedding day was just absolutely inspiring in so many ways, even to someone viewing it just through electronic media! Also, I LOVED the way you and Ray entered the stunningly-decorated barn to a drum cadence! SO personalized and creative!

    Ok, so now for the advice part : ) I’ve been married just a few weeks longer than you have, but I’ll share something huge I’ve learned in just the few months Nelson and I have been married: he doesn’t want a maid, a personal secretary, a home decorator, a cook, or a laundress, he just wants a friend. For instance, I will work hard to wash his clothes, pack his lunches, clean everything spotless, make our home comfortable, and make his food just how he likes to show him how much I love him, but all the poor guy wants is for me to hang out with him, cuddle with him, and talk to him! So even though it might drive me crazy to leave clothes on the floor or that dish in the sink unwashed, he is going to feel more loved if I take the time to just be best friends with him : ) That’s my little tidbit – don’t get lost in the duties and responsibilities of wifehood (even though right now they’re new and fun!) and forget to be a wife.

    • P.S. I really enjoy reading your blog as it relates so much to my own newlywed life! You are such an interesting and fun-to-read writer. Your “Advice to Brides” was SPOT ON. Keep ’em coming : )

      • aww Brittany thank you for your sweet words! I saw pictures from your wedding and you looked absolutely STUNNING!! The love between you and Nelson radiates through the photographs!! I love your advice too. I think that might be Ray and I backwards. ;) He looovveesss to stay busy and CLEAN (which is an awesome gift to a wife) but I usually just want quality time. Have you guys read the book the Five Love Languages? I started that about a year ago, I think I might pick it back up. I remember it mentioning the difference in the quality time love language and then acts of love. Interesting stuff — but this is such a fun ride, isn’t it? :)

  14. Hey Laura,

    They do suck…marriage is awesome if you have God in the mix. But a marriage without God is like two ticks without a dog…they can only look to each other for satisfaction, but neither can provide it. The trick is to be satisfied in God first, and not look to your spouse for fulfillment. We’re designed with a God-sized hole in our souls and only He can fill it, when we try to fill it with other things (including our spouses) we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment.

    Here’s a general principal that we’ve found to be true in our 23 years of marriage: men (typically) need to feel respected by their wives and women (typically) need to feel loved. Many times our problems have revolved around the violation (or perceived violation) of those general principals. A husband that does not feel respected will have a hard time making his wife feel loved and vice versa.

    A couple of phrases to avoid: “You always…”, and “You never…”

    • oh walt, your advice and analogies are always some of my favorite. :) I’m so thankful to have people like you in my life to help us from becoming those two poor ticks! I am LOVING all of this advice! We should all write a book! Or at least figure out a way to share all this advice with newlyweds.

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